did your life start when you were born? after highschool? or during college?

i am rich.
i have a wonderful, loving, caring family.
i have found someone that sticks by my side through all the dumb/stupid shit that i say and do. [in my defense, i believe that i just make life funny with the shit i say sometimes(:]

i've found myself to go back to my roots. i've always thought this way...i never really cared for money. but of course to live in this world money is a very important factor...and at times can take advantage of you. although, i never cared for social status and money.
just last week i was waiting a table and they snapped theyre finger at me.....i wanted to punch her.
i should have...HAHAHAHAHAA

SO I HAVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH THAT SONG "we are young" by fun....i know it's overrated an yadayadayada but i cant help to like it! plus i've found them to be my study music yayyyy

ugh this past month all i've been trying to do is catch up with school work T_T and it's put me off my diet and workout regimen so now i'm gaining weight again....and because of easter just passed there's chocolate EVERYWHERE IN THIS HOUSE....AND I DIDNT BUY THEM DAMMIT...AND I WANT ALL OF IT....anyways so i'm weight gain is showing terribly so after this week i really hope to hop back on my diet and exercise

lol so this boosts up my self-esteem but i think my manager fancies me...i know our bar manager TOTALLY fancies me. haha but still i find it amazing. personally, i've always that i've had a boring personality. i only have a few friends....i dont go out anymore and meh i like sleeping all day haha. (migs hates my laziness but i hate his activeness!!!!! )
ahhh but i love my job. i love chef and both managers and all my co workers. owners.....i need to work on that hahahaha
but the girl manager, Cristina, we got off on the wrong foot b/c she's going through personal shit so when she was telling me something it came off with a nasty condescending tone and i wanted to hit her but it's whatevz now and we get along haha. and at work we're having a camping trip on April 22 - 23 to brazos state park and i'm still contemplating if i should go or not....bc i have class the next day but it sounds like SO MUCH FUN....and i've been wanting to go camping for the longest. ugh idk I'M TORNNNNNNN

oh yeah and i want to get a DEEP TISSUE SWEDISH MASSAGE EVERYWHERE ON MY FEET TOO....ahhh that would feel SO SUPER GOOD

oh well. in other notes  I'M SO SLEEPY AND SICK OF SCHOOL BLEHHHH I'M BEING OVERWHELMED KEEHAOWEIRLKWJAER

okay so i have two options but i need advice and i need it ASAP

in your own opinion:

do you think that transferring (with a low chance of not getting accepted) with a min cum. gpa of 2.5 to U of H is a smarter OR
do you think that UH/HCC joint admissions program would be better?

The joint admissions would require you to graduate HCC with an associates degree and a guaranteed spot at UH
whereas transferring to UH would be me applying like a normal freshman......

idk i'm stuck someone help!!

i'm in my history 1302 class and i cant pay attention.....i havent slept i'm so sleepy.....i have to fart so super badly. my stomach is doing that retarded inside stomach farts ....grrrrr D<

BEFORE YOU READ THIS: I DO NOT MEAN IN ANYWAY TO OFFEND YOU: but if you get offended...you have all the right to be offended however, i have all the right to not give a fuck! (:

anywhom, the topic about Religion has been on the table for me.  Personally for me, I hate religion, I do not have a religion however, i do believe in God.  I found myself getting paranoid when i thought he wasnt there.  I believe that God created everything and he has given us everything to survive.  IDK after watching Religuous it made me think harder (must re watch bc i was taking a quiz while i was watching) I renounced Catholicism as my religion because it didnt make sense to me.  None of the Christian/Catholicism faith makes sense to me.  The people preach and read the bible they abide by that is what they live by, however my encounter of these people are always the same.  They are always quick to judge people without exchanging a word and they seem to always talk down to people.  I thought you weren't supposed to judge.

AND LETS GET SOMETHING STRAIGHT---i know i judge people but atleast i talk to them even though i said something mean.  I told jess the first time i met her she looked like a bitch and now we laugh at it haha. that was a funny convo. i tell people what i thought of them before i got to know them and 9 out of 10 times they laugh about it.  If they don't want to accept my thought well then fuck off what i thought about you was true !!!! jk hehe

anyway, thats my topic for the day. 
"there's a good and there's a bad...that's it" -cheech

i like the way litto sister thinks. very simple.

so my question is: what do you think about religion? do you believe in a higher being because of the same reason i do? do you believe that you will be condemned to hell because you don't believe in God? 

and recommendation: watch Religuous and tell me what you think.  i thought the message they sent out was very true. 


on a brighter note:

i think i want a half-sleeve, originally i wanted to start off with a sunflower but now i'm thinking twice about it....mmmm what to do what to do....
i want lip pierce and hip pierce(after i lose weight)
lol

oh and then i started thinking back to what i wanted to do when i was like 15/16 i remember i wanted to move out all by myself and do everything for myself.....now if i tried to do it, everyone would accuse me of leaving them to go live with Migs....I would be living with him(if i chose to move out) HOWEVER, it would be bc I want to be on my own and not be a burden on my parents.

when do you think life starts? and what do you think life is?

all these motivational videos are making me emotional and makes me want to work out......i am going to do body building and i hope ya'll will root me on....of course after I lose all this weight.  

My fear in life now is being at a stand-still.  Never going anywhere, this includes being a sloth and being at home all day.  I like being up and getting things done.  I refuse to be a sloth.  I am going to do this race.  This race will not beat me.  As long as it takes, no matter how many falls or bruises or cuts or concussions, I will finish this race.  I will finish school and I will be damn good at what I do in life.  No one will stop me.  If you try, I'll just crush you and keep going.  No one will pull me down.  

My deadlines will be met.

I will make risks I am willing to fall over and over again, because after you fall you will meet success.

"Never, Never, Never Give Up" -Winston Churchill

My worries?  I worry that I will be someone that neglect my loved ones for being a workaholic.  I am addicted to working I am driven to money......this is my worry.  It's already happening will it escalate? will i stop it? i dont know.  I'm still finding my answers and i hope you will help me.  

Sorry guys I know I said I would try to post pictures weekly of my P90X results however, this past week was no bueno so I'm doing it all over again!

Anywhom, I am currently (and seriously doing homework lol.) But I've had some stuff on my mind and wanted to get them off my chest.  I know what I have said in the past and I have become a huge hypocrite.  I made amends with myself after going through a series of denial and gaining nearly 20 pounds over it.  After I found out I weight 150,  I knew I was depressed and hated myself.  I can honestly say that I REALLY fucking hated myself. Why?  Because I became someone I hated.  Even reading back to my summer posts I want to go back and kill myself.  Oh great you sure are happy with what you have done with yourself.  You're a fucking idiot (talking about myself ) Initially this post was going to be Vlog,  however I am beyond tired and my body just wants to shut down and go to bed.  But I cannot allow myself as I have important tasks to finish.  Continuing, I gained 150 pounds out of depression, hated myself, hated my job, and hated how my life was at a stand still.  At that point in my life, I had no direction.  I knew where I had to go but how to get there was the problem.  Yeah, I know I have ya'll and I have my sisters, my mom&dad, and so on and so forth.  But everytime I wanted to approach and tell you guys 'hey, I have a problem' was out of question because HELLO if I hated myself for becoming this ugly thing how am I going to face the ones I love?  I had issues loving myself how can I be strong enough to tell ya'll HEY I GOTS A PROBLEMS.  It was terrifying!  Yeah, it can sound like another excuse and I didn't do anything like kill someone or go off and do drugs and spiral into drug problems but it doesn't have to be in that aspect to realize somethings wrong.  My issues? going out, getting drunk, boy crazy, and loving myself.  Yeah, yeah, yeah it sounds disgusting and yadda, yadda...I know it does otherwise I wouldn't be writing this.  
  The mistakes I've made in the past are irreversible, however fixing myself for the future.  Well I still have a great shot at it.  I know I'm a loving, caring, hardworking, determined, and persistent person.  I am beautiful and I'm proud to say I'm working to get myself to love my physical appearance as well.  Slowly but surely.  Everything takes time and everything will fall into place.  Any whom, some of my recent frustrations is that I know I've made my mistakes however please do not compare me and you and please do not tell me to learn from your mistakes.  Why? Because your mistakes and your experience are completely different than mine.  I am me and you are you, we are two very different people, but that's what makes our relationship outstanding. The mistakes I am making is the process of who I'm becoming, raising hell at me just because I frustrate you sometimes does not make it any better.  Neither do the name callings, however you have all the right to say what you would like and I have every damn right not to get offended.  And I for one have gotten over the name callings and letting everyones fucking opinion get to me.  
  Now I do not want it to seem like this is an excuse or that this is my scapegoat but the problems in my life was this the influence at work, the "friends" I was hanging around with, and my ability to be so damn easily influenced.  Now when it came to my beliefs, I mean the beliefs I did not hesitate to question or to be remotely curious about, I am pretty damn stubborn.  However, most my beliefs in my past got me curious asking questions like I wonder how this is or I wonder how that is or you know just simple questions.  Asides from that let me go into detail about my problems.  A) work-VC- working there gave me a lot of experience however, my naive self decided that my life was almost the same as theirs except that I go to school.  Working around them exposed me to a lot new things and got me curious.  Out of curiosity,  I went ahead and experienced the curiosity.  Now that I've realized, curiosity is like an addiction.  You get curious of one thing, you want to find out more of everything and want to experience everything.  But, curiosity is not always a good thing. The term 'curiosity killed the cat' truly does apply in my previous situation. B) the "friends" I was around, my friends that were so always going to the gym and always motivated..PSH please it's been a year that I've known you and your statuses stay consistent.  Always about the same shit, 'gettin it in at the gym' okay if you are so DAMN MOTIVATED TO LOSE THAT GUT OF YOURS THAT I'VE SEEN YOU WITH FOR THE PAST YEAR you sure do like to go out every weekend/weekday get WASTED OUT YOUR MIND and then next day YAY GYM AND NO DIET~~....I've learned that alcohol slows down your metabolism and makes you feel groggy and explains addiction to alchol (explains why I gained so much weight) and not to mention the fact that everytime you say 'I don't have time to fall in love' but the next attractive male species you see, you become their booty call, and you become attached.  Also, if the people you are constantly around are eating terrible foods and they put you down for trying to go on a diet...I don't believe that's a very good friend quality.  Just because you didn't, still don't and gaining more weight than me, want to put forth the effort into losing weight, does not mean you can put me down. I know the recent friends that I have made have babies at a young age but at the same time I don't judge them by 'Oh, they have a kid, musn't hang out with them'  For me, I like making friends with people that have made their share of mistakes people and hope they got more common sense out of it.  Now some of the single parents are really stupid and like to go out every weekend and say they love their kid post it all over fb but they don't do anything for them....righhhttt. Anyways, that's straying off subject and I'm ultra tired so some of these sentences and points are going to make no sense to me tomorrow. C is A and B combined.

I have always been and always will be a strong believer of things happen for a reason and the people that enter in your life, come for a reason.  I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to get ya'll to like Miguel or whatever because I can really care less. (that sounds mean but I mean that in the most caring way)  But I met Miguel when he was going through a HUGE life changing moment in his life.  Coincidentally, we met and were acquainted with one another.  It wasn't til I was moving back home that I started hanging out with him more.  We started off as friends and I thought I was helping him more than he was helping me but as he was getting to know me he was questioning me.  If a stranger can question you and you don't have an answer...well buddy more than likely that means YOU have problem.  It went as far as questioning my tattoo...and I realized damn, I have not been paying attention to something that used to mean so much to me.  From there, we slowly were fixing each other.  Yeah sure the way we started off was not very proper but again these things happen for a reason.  I just read this paragraph back to myself and it sounds seriously really sappy.  I want to press delete but I am not going to haha.  Anyway, one thing I should let ya'll know is that he does have a child.  Her name is Aliyah and I have already met her and the mother of his child.  I know it has not been long since we have dated but our intentions are very strong and we would like to see where things go.  It's obvious that it's pretty serious, and I know I'm still young and there's plenty of fish in the sea.  But once you go on dates and you go on more dates with different guys it's becomes like fuck you're stupid i'm done with talking to the male species for a while because I just do not understand you.  And leaves you feeling like 'ugh I just one man to be able to understand and be with' versus looking for someone.  It's true, when you are not looking for someone they come into your life.  I really wasn't looking for anyone, in fact I was becoming very bitter (but then again I've always been bitter.) But to go on we are pretty serious but we still have that mentality of 'if it works out, it works out, if it doesn't, well then hey I've made a great best friend'  the relationship has enough seriousness to where I've met his ex and his child and the point that I care enough about him that I will get jealous if another female tries to prey on him and him the same (except his would be male lol). Now I know that dating a man with a kid is going to be hard and whatever what not but I have confidence in it.  My goal now is to make more money than him and never have to rely on him for anything materialistic except open arms, an ear, and the love of a man. If we break up, meh I'll be devastated but eventually I'll get over it realize my mistakes and hope that my future relationships will be better.  I'll continue being happy for myself my future relations and likewise for him.  I know I have my family that I can lean on and hopefully will accept for who I've become and who I will be in the future. 
I'm not going to go back and reread to put this piece of information in there because I'm way too fucking tired but he's helped me on several occasions, quitting VC, being a positive influence in my life, and getting me motivated to do what i've been wanting (getting fit)
The problem I had when I was 14-16 was that I didn't experience anything and all I did was talk and bitch out of spite and bitterness.  In which, I've become a hypocrite for.  But now that I have experienced it,  lol yeah let's just leave that part of my life closed for a very long time.  And yes things change because I went through it.  All I have to that is lol why would you listen to someone that hasn't even experienced a bit of life?  Honestly,  if you haven't gone through it I wouldn't seek your advice nor will/would I listen to you.  But that's my personal preference. And then I think to myself about others opinions about dating a man or a woman with a child....it's life changing but do you judge young moms and dads? Personally, I look past all of that.  that doesn't mean I don't judge...because I do.  I admit it, but I will judge based upon your appearance but willing to get to know you and hopefully my views change. i.e. if you have had a child because of a one night stand, yeah there's hell no way I'm talking to you. or if you're really fat and look greasy everytime i see you, i assume you're lazy as fuck and you probably live off of your parents and play games all day and have no motivation but if you prove to me that you are intelligent then well you've proved to me you're smarter than me and i can't hate on you for that except your lack of motivation.

In an ending note, hopefully ya'll will read this and accept me in open arms and I hope that you will soon accept Miguel because he will be present in my life for a long time.  I'm blessed to say that I came from loving and caring family and now have great man candy :D

ALSO, I got a new job at Blu in town center. I will be a server/hostess, yesterday was my first day training and i must say i'm pretty proud of myself.  I go into work at 5 today and I'm super excited! i have my own apron c: THIS WILL NOT BRING MY DETERMINATION TO LOSE WEIGHT AND GET FIT. Anyway, when the out of town peeps come IN TOWN ya'll should come and visit me during lunch or happy hour :D  i'll be your great server :D

This post was amazingly long, and if you read through the whole damn thing well I give you mad props. love you guys i'm going to bed...GNIGHT

what do ya'll consider living life and your happiness..?

i'm stuck in a pickle and don't know how to...well...solve this pickle.

wahhh today was shoulders and arms...and as most of you know i have an upper strength of a kitten TT_TT
so i did about 40 minutes of it and i couldnt do anymore...why? because the lowest weights i had with me were 15lbs. mehhhhh and i snapped the handle of the resistance band T_T r.i.p. resistance band.....then i tried fixing it and it snapped again so yeah no more trying to fix it because that hurt like a motherfucker!  so i did about 7:00 minutes of the ab ripper x today and i failed to keep up T_T but i know i will get better so no discouragement there!!!! i'm going to try to post up a picture after every week to show ya'll my progress!!! 

anyway, i should totally be doing my homework because afterall it's fucking 1:40 am and i have to be up early as always...bleh bleh bleh so i must do homework and take a shower and night night i go....MEHHHHHH 

ending the post with this::



...dammit my head is huge!!!!! grrrrr....day 80 BRING IT ON...

//food journal: (let's see if i can keep this up)

9:40; 1 hodduk and water

2:30; Turkey Cheese sammich + Orange Juice

no dinner today because i slept through it T_T oh well i'll just eat a huge breakfast tomorrow morning to compensate for it ^_^;;

ugh my head hurts....

oh and i believe i figured out the next two tattoos i want

i want the miyavi tattoo "don't hesitate & go" tattoo exactly where he has it.

why? as stupid as it sounds, he's someone i find him very inspirational he went from rags to riches doing what he loved and now he has a beautiful family and doing what he loves. I love that motto and i'll dedicate it to him by putting it where he has it. HOWEVER, this tattoo will never come alive on my body UNLESS I SUCCEED MY WEIGHT. Therefore, it will be my reward and something that I can NEVER GIVE UP. Because if I gain weight with that tattoo it's gonna look DISGUSTING!!!! so thats my goal for that tattoo.

the second tattoo...is drawing in progress if i try to explain it, it'll sound really stupid in your heads so i'll try to draw it out and post it next time ^_^

one last thing
this video motivates me the most...it almost made me cry:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6xLYt265ZM&feature=related

and i dont know how to embed this damn thing so theres the link :)

happy studying everyone!

blargh so i'm bored and got 0% homework done 8-)

PICTURES OF MY DOODLE CUZ I'M BORED













i do this because I REALLY WANT SOME PIZZA...little caesers pepperoni pizza...pizza hut(the one in stafford on texas pkwy) supreme pizza....the italian restaurant on my dad's store strip's pizza....i forgot what it was called but it was so damn good and HUGE too

i have an addiction to pizza..TT_TT
i know how to make half-ass pizza with tortillas, sammich bread, and french bread....ugh i miss you pizza T_T

pew pew pew pew :)

ello there

i'm so sleepy T0T i've been up and running since 8:40am today bwahhhh i'm so sleeepyy

so today i went to campus early because i had nothing better to do and if i stayed home until 2:30 but ass wouldn't get up to go to class on time. (class starts at 3) so i went early today and sat outside because the lobby was filled with a lot of people and a lot of people that would've frustrated me so i sat outside :) lol
anywhom, so i was doing homework on facebook and what not and minding my own business then this guy comes up to me and he asks if he can charge his phone so i was like uhm yeah sure... (thinking that he was asking if we could share the outlet) but then i see him reaching for my computer and i was like oh uhh your gonna charge your phone on my laptop? and he goes oh yeah and i was like oh i'm sorry but my laptops usb outlets are all fucked up right now i need to get them replaced.....wtf how can all four of my usb outlets be fucked up....AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHLOLOLOLOLOL 

anyways, so even after that he sits down in front of me trying to engage me into a conversation with him and i didnt care to have a conversation because a) i'm happily taken b) you look purple and all i can focus on are your eyes....mmm yeah that's it.  anyway so he was trying to talk to me and he saw that i was working on math (algebra) and asked if i needed help and i politely said no thank you and then he asks if i watched the superbowl if i watch sports and i said i dont watch football or like watching sports and he asked if i even watched television and i told him no i dont watch any t.v. ....LOL WHICH IS FUNNY BECAUSE I CAN BE A COUCH POTATO ALL DAY then he goes you look so professional like twenty five? but you're not you're a freshman right 
me: *blinks twice and stares at him* No....i'm a sophomore....*inmyhead*WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY HEADPHONES DAMMIT!!!!*
so after me trying to ignore his presence and i find my headphones*THANKTHEHEAVENS* I plugged them into my laptop only to realize that i've placed them in the wrong jack and the guy hears what I was listening to....LOL i quickly plugged them into the right ones and I start "listening" to my music. i say "listening" because teehee youtube was loading BAHAHAHAHAHAA  and I heard him ask twice "oh what are you listening to"  me:*ignore* and i hear him mutter 'fuck' and leave a piece of paper walk away and then come back to take his stuff and by that time i'm in my ax7 land :) MWHAAHAHAHAHAHAHH--i think he wanted me to read the piece of paper because he slipped it right underneath my laptop...lol yeah right...

btw while this is all happening i look insanely psycho because i literally woke up went with my pjs on just washed my face nd brushed my teeth tied my hair....and on the way to school because of my lugi i had accidentally spit up on my sweats...ewwww GROSSSSS LOL i can't believe how psycho i looked today....i felt nasty but at the same time i couldnt help it :)

lol then i was leaving school i was on Murphy Rd. merging onto 1092 F.M. Rd. and this guy in a silver Impala-2010 i would say- was like waving his hand at me and had this creepy smile on....and i couldn't tell if he needed help, trying to be creepy, or be a smartass because i was picking my nose...C: anywhom either way i sped off and cut him off because he was creeping me out lol

yeah so today was an interesting day......lol ahhh i should've just started at the guy like this O.O HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA i heard that works....lololol ahhhh now time to do some studying...

P.S. in the next 81 days i am not only physically transforming myself but i will try to mentally transform myself as well

teehee~ 
later you guysss AND UPDATE YOUR DAMN JOURNALS !!!! *cough*MOOMOO*cough*

alright so it has been a while since i updated my livejournal....lol i'm barely on lj now'n'days :(

i should change that :)

anywhom MOO MOO, ROBOKEEBS IS BACK YOU NEED TO GET BACK TOO.

about a week ago i started P90X with Miguel and holy shit it freaking works!!! it's the first week and i'm already seeing results!!!! the fitness test was hell though my body was sore for 3 days but i kept going! i changed my diet COMPLETELY. i'm trying to eat about 500 calories per meal and a healthy snack in between. i think my problem with never being able to lose weight or get fit was because i never truly had anybody to motivate me and i, myself, have a problem with getting discouraged too easily. I can't wait to see what the 90th day has in store for me...so I can finally fit into a 3 or 4 i don't care i just can't wait to be smaller than what i am.

SO I have pictures of my before picture...lol it was the day after the fitness test so it really didn't do much.... these pictures make me sad but i will show you guys and hopefully this will also help me going as well...

before


after


before


after


before


after


after



:) it's not the biggest difference but it's big enough for me to notice the change!

in other words

this is chewbacca :) aka chewy, chew chew bees he's a mix of yorkie nd i forgot what else
he's super energetic and he runs really fast and he's super cute:) he likes being scratched on his belly and sleeping alone
you can let him out without you going with him and he'll come right back home to you ♥ he's not always a good dog but for the most part he is :)



mama's birthday was last friday and so we celebrated with a pretty cake and the family :)








the cake


lesson learned, never pull out your phone in a crowded area, for this will happen to your phone


until next time tata~~~♥ :)